Back in June
June of 2007. We went to Colorado and Montana for a visit with my husband's family.
But - you might be saying to yourself - this is May. Why on earth am I thinking of June?
Well, it was in June of '07 on that very trip that I broke out in hives. Hives which have continued for nearly 4 years.
There have been terrible times, frightening times, exhausting, frustrating times. I have had tears and anger. I have had to deal with not only physical health problems but also other problems that came along with this "illness".
Chronic hives are not fun. I have lived in fear at times of food. Will it make me sick? Will it make me itch? Will it make my throat close up? I have had to live with self-consciousness, wondering what people think of my face when it is puffy like my husband might have slugged me (he doesn't!!!). I have lived with fear of how the hives and medicine affect my baby while I carried her inside me, and while I nursed her this past year. I have sought answers only to be frustrated by each doctor saying, "I don't know why you have this."
And then, I broke down and asked my church pastors for prayer. I asked my ladies at Bible study to pray for me. I had a couple of times in recent months when the hives were so intense and ... awful ... that no amount of safe-dosage of medicine was helping me. I itched intensely. But I still had a family to take care and life to live. I once again opened myself up to a group of ladies and asked them for prayer. It took a lot for me to do that. It's always easy to ask for prayer for someone else, a child who is hurting, a relative who needs help. But to ask for myself, that doesn't come so easily.
This month, and actually the past few weeks, I have been nearly hive-free! I have even caught a cold. That might sound strange - I am thankful to have caught a cold. Ever since I have had these hives, my immune system has been on hyper drive and I have hardly gotten sick. My husband and kids would have a 'normal' cold for a week or so, and I would have it for about a day. But this week - I have had one for 4 days now! It's exciting!
What's my point in all this? I am almost hesitant to mention it. What if I write it and then go right back to how I had been? I am feeling like it might be near the end of the hives! I might be rid of them! Could it be?! Dare I say it?! Oh how I hope so! And yet, in a twisted way, I am afraid to be without them. They have been such a part of my life and routine for 4 years, that I don't know what I will do if they are gone.
And I have another point too. Oh yes there is more. I've been wondering Why? for all this time. The other day a verse was pointed out to me, that made me stop and think. I can't find it right now, but it was about having compassion for others who are suffering, due to suffering you have gone through. Perhaps it was my turn to go through the trial so that I might have compassion for another person.
Our niece right now is going through a trial that seems almost impossible to us. And yet, my heart has been moved to pray day and night ((when I am up with the baby)) for her, because I know what it's like to be in pain - albeit a different kind than hers. And so I pray and pray for her, and her family. And I rejoice in God blessing me with these chronic hives. Now don't put me up on any pedestal. I don't want to sound all self-righteous or anything. I hate(d) having the hives. I thoroughly disliked what they did to my life. But I like the lessons I have learned and the growing-up it brought about.
And that's what I've been thinking about recently.
But - you might be saying to yourself - this is May. Why on earth am I thinking of June?
Well, it was in June of '07 on that very trip that I broke out in hives. Hives which have continued for nearly 4 years.
There have been terrible times, frightening times, exhausting, frustrating times. I have had tears and anger. I have had to deal with not only physical health problems but also other problems that came along with this "illness".
Chronic hives are not fun. I have lived in fear at times of food. Will it make me sick? Will it make me itch? Will it make my throat close up? I have had to live with self-consciousness, wondering what people think of my face when it is puffy like my husband might have slugged me (he doesn't!!!). I have lived with fear of how the hives and medicine affect my baby while I carried her inside me, and while I nursed her this past year. I have sought answers only to be frustrated by each doctor saying, "I don't know why you have this."
And then, I broke down and asked my church pastors for prayer. I asked my ladies at Bible study to pray for me. I had a couple of times in recent months when the hives were so intense and ... awful ... that no amount of safe-dosage of medicine was helping me. I itched intensely. But I still had a family to take care and life to live. I once again opened myself up to a group of ladies and asked them for prayer. It took a lot for me to do that. It's always easy to ask for prayer for someone else, a child who is hurting, a relative who needs help. But to ask for myself, that doesn't come so easily.
This month, and actually the past few weeks, I have been nearly hive-free! I have even caught a cold. That might sound strange - I am thankful to have caught a cold. Ever since I have had these hives, my immune system has been on hyper drive and I have hardly gotten sick. My husband and kids would have a 'normal' cold for a week or so, and I would have it for about a day. But this week - I have had one for 4 days now! It's exciting!
What's my point in all this? I am almost hesitant to mention it. What if I write it and then go right back to how I had been? I am feeling like it might be near the end of the hives! I might be rid of them! Could it be?! Dare I say it?! Oh how I hope so! And yet, in a twisted way, I am afraid to be without them. They have been such a part of my life and routine for 4 years, that I don't know what I will do if they are gone.
And I have another point too. Oh yes there is more. I've been wondering Why? for all this time. The other day a verse was pointed out to me, that made me stop and think. I can't find it right now, but it was about having compassion for others who are suffering, due to suffering you have gone through. Perhaps it was my turn to go through the trial so that I might have compassion for another person.
Our niece right now is going through a trial that seems almost impossible to us. And yet, my heart has been moved to pray day and night ((when I am up with the baby)) for her, because I know what it's like to be in pain - albeit a different kind than hers. And so I pray and pray for her, and her family. And I rejoice in God blessing me with these chronic hives. Now don't put me up on any pedestal. I don't want to sound all self-righteous or anything. I hate(d) having the hives. I thoroughly disliked what they did to my life. But I like the lessons I have learned and the growing-up it brought about.
And that's what I've been thinking about recently.
Wow, different symptoms but similar story for my last 4 years. I don't know that I've really gotten sick since then either. hmm, are we related? Selfishly I wish you knew what caused it :) But good news to hear! it's hard to ask for prayer, and then almost harder when people came back the next week and say, "I've been praying for you, are you feeling better?" When the answer is no.
ReplyDeleteYes, perhaps you needed to open up to other people and admit a weakness. So hard when we want to be grown up and in control! But very humbling. Lessons we all need to learn. I am hoping you are healed -- trust in God to provide you what you need!
ReplyDelete